Crab Roxas
by EpicJamsandwich
Summary: *No major spoilers* 2 Crack-fictions created bit by bit by different people without knowing what others had written before. Prompted by the title 'Crab Roxas' and set in KH3 Caribbean world.
1. Rise of the Mega Crab

**Crack 1: Rise of the Mega Crab**

On arriving at the Worlds End, Sora could tell that there was something special about this world. Something that wasn't just pirate booty. He saw crabs carry a ship across dry land. How strange that was.

Tia Dalma whispered in his ear. "I know what you want. Free me and I'll give you the power of the seas."

Sora liked this plan. Before he could put his magic key into her keyhole tragedy struck. Sora was washed ashore with Jack Sparrow so he never got the booty. When they got back to Port Royal Jack turned into Crabs. This was what the power of the sea was. Sora knew he could use the power of crabs to make a body.

A dark corridor opened behind Sora. Glancing back cautiously to see a tall figure robed in black. Sora back-stepped almost immediately as the figure emerged from the abyss. Keyblade in hand he readied himself only to find the figure cowering before him.

"Wait, wait!" he exclaimed whimpishly. "Stop! It's me."

The figure pulled back his hood slowly as if at half the frame rate as normal, to reveal a familiar hair style which was awfully pointy.

"Hey, I know", Sora uttered. "I'd recognise that terrible hair anywhere."

"My hair isn't as bad as yours. Besides, mines pointier than yours", said the boy.

Sonic the hedgehog jumped out of Sora's phone. "Fuck you", he said as he spontaneously combusted because he doesn't belong in this universe. Sora decided to dye his hair blue. Don't know where he got that idea...

Meanwhile Roxas walked sideways to a pirate and used his pincer hands to cut his dick off. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The pirate screamed in a high pitched voice and chased them with his pistol and cutlass. Donald used Flare. It was not very effective.

"Don't worry. I got this!" yelled Sora. Sora used the power of crabs to summon Mega Crab. Xehanort who watched from far away wet himself.

"I will defeat you with Mega Crab!" exclaimed Sora.

What Sora didn't know is that there was someone else aside from them. Xigbar from a distance called out to Sora. "Hey Sora, I got something you might need."

Xigbar walked out holding a mysterious box. Sora and Mega Crab looked at him and said, "We are kinda busy here".

"Oh but just you wait", Xigbar said, smiling. He opened the box slowly, only for a torrent of crabs to come flying out. The crabs bonded to Mega Crab to become Crab Jesus.

"It's over now", said Crab Jesus, swinging its divine claw at his foe, killing instantly.

The day was finally saved and Crab Jesus went home with Sora, happy. The End.


	2. Kingdom Hearts 358 2 Crabs

**Crack 2: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Crabs**

The winds blew blissfully upon Sora's face as he and his friends, Donald and Goofy, walk across the ricked planks towards their ship, the Leviathan. They expected that Jack Sparrow would be close behind however this was not the case. The three turned back to see the scurvy ridden towns folk of Port Royal.

Donald exclaimed, "Waa ta faacia ta iei", or that was how it sounded to the other two.

Goofy then enquired to Sora, "Gwarsh I think the subtitles must have been turned off".

"Oh yeah!" grinned Sora, pausing to change the subtitle setting. The subtitles read off sex noises of people in the distance. Hubba hubba. The tingling in his pants made him remember to tell Riku to get checked next time he saw him. Then he thought, "Maybe I can use these crabs instead. I will build a crab meat dragon". But to have enough crabs he needed to give everyone crabs, so he did just that.

Now he had all of the crabs. Oh yeah and Crab Roxas was a thing so I guess he brought him back. Crab Roxas was a perfect body to hold Roxas' heart but there was something wrong.

Crab Roxas walked like a crab, but that was okay.

They decide that Roxas needed some training with his new body before the final battle. Sora said to Roxas, "Let's try that one move you do that shoots the laser-beams down from the sky".

Roxas said, "Sure, why not", before taking his keyblades in hand. Roxas lifted his blades up in a vigorous motion, but nothing seemed to happen. The second and third attempts were just as fruitful. Sora sensed that something was wrong and decided to help.

"Roxas", he said, "Have you tried turning them off and on again?"

"Derp", said Crab Roxas who then decided to go and find a mermaid to sing with in a weird accent. The mermaid reminded him of Axel. "Axel!" he cried. "I need to find my friend. He used his crab powers to find him. Axel was happy to see him.

"Should I get some ice cream?" Axel asked.

"Na, I got it covered", said Roxas as his crab feet detached themselves to get the ice cream. The vendor was so scared he gave them free ice cream.

"Ya know", said Axel, "I think I like this new you."

"Me too", said Roxas.

They got he diabeetus from ice cream and lived happily ever after.


End file.
